Punishment
by BadGurl
Summary: What happened after "Why don't you love me?"


I don't own Digimon k? Alright this is how it happened. I was looking through all my old stories and noticed that I didn't really include Yamato's pov very much! I didn't like him as much as I do now(don't worry Michi is still my fave). So I'm sorta going 2 make up 4 that. Oh I almost forgot! This is a sort of Yamato's pov of what happened after "Why don't you love me?" I already had Tai's pov, Tk's pov, and some of Mimi's pov, so here's his k? Forgive any spelling errors please.  
  
  
  
  
  
Punishment  
  
  
  
  
  
I'm being punished for loving her. I'm being punished 4 wanting to touch her. I'm being punished for fighting for her. I'm being punished for losing her. I told her I loved her. I kissed her. I went into heaven and pure happiness for the first time in any life I ever could have had. Then she ran away from me.She ran from my arms and into his. Mimi. My beautiful little pixie. She was to good to be an angel, so to me she was a pixie, a fairy, my nymph. I've loved her for what seems like the begining of time. Perhaps it was. Ever since I met her I can't seem to think of a time in my life when I didn't love her.Now? Yes I love her now. Then? Yes I loved her then.   
  
Even when I was a baby I had to have loved her. Or else why would I have even been born? To me I was born to love her. To adore her. To make her happy. That was my goal in life. I couldn't care less about school. I never did any work I felt was beneath me or simply didn't want to do. The teachers yelled, my dad yelled, It was the same lecture over and over again. 'Look Matt It doesn't matter what you want now. You need an education to make it anywhere in life. You need to get a job. For that you need an education. To get money you need an education.' Thats all I ever heard. I didn't give a royal damn.If the teachers were giving me the lecture I'd sigh and turn to stare at Mimi. Her beauty seemed to tone them out. Seemed to take me away from what ever hurt me, to our place. To a place where I could love her and let it be returned. If my dad was the one yelling at me I would simply glare at him and think of Mimi. It would happen all over again.  
  
Then they said something that changed my persective completey. It was my dad anyway. 'How the hell do you expect to support and keep a family happy with no education to get a job?!' He yelled at me. I payed attention immediately. How could I make Mimi happy with no money to support her? How could I afford our wedding? All these questions formed in my head and I instantly picked up my grades. For Mimi, I would stop breathing.  
  
They have some of the most dangerous people in this world. Son of Sam, the 42 excalaber killer, the copy cat. Yet none of them compare to Mimi. They just killed you and ended your life, she makes you end it yourself. She's like an angel behind a glasswall. All you can do is watch her. Never touch her. Never kiss her. Just look. Look as she flirts with another man. Look as she gets married. Look as she taunts you. Above it all she doesn't even know she's doing it! Muderers killed their victems with nifes, suffocation, any physical means. She on the other hand does it with love. One of the most powerful known emotion next to anger and hatred. Does she have any idea how many hearts she's stomped on and given back to the keeper? No she doesn't, she never has.  
  
My brother. Heh, I lost him to her. His hope deleted itself with his heart. Sometimes I think he's stronger than all of us combined. I knew Mimi had captured his heart long before even he knew. My little brother had no idea that I had seen him kiss Mimi in the digiworld, at night when he thought we were all asleep. He was only eight at the time. So innocent. I had gotten furious for so many reason at what he had done. Furious for him kissing my love.Furious at Mimi for capturing one more heart to the long string. Furious for on more competition. Furious for knowing that in the end of this war for Sincerity, three would love her. Only one would be loved.I remember one day in my life. Well who can really forget the day you died anyway?   
  
Flashback  
  
I was called to the woods outside of our school. We would be going to college within a few weeks but we still loved to have councils at our childhood meeting places. Pass a few trees, go over a few small streams and you were there. I look fondly at the five logs forming a circle. We would site here as children and discuss the digiworld and our adventures or what other threat reaked havok on it. I would find my place on the left of Mimi and Tai on her right. We would glare at eachother as one would watch the other attempt to touch her. Nothing special, just a pat on the hand, picking some non-existing dirt of her clothing, anything to touch her.  
  
To be honest I looked forward to our quarrels. Major ego boost for me. I smirk as I see everyone had taken there respectfull place. All but Takeru. Where was my brother? I frowned and made my way over to Mimi. They all looked at me sadly.Why? Mimi was the first to speak, heh, she always was. I smile as she and everyone stands up and stares at me. I don't see anybody else, just her. She looks down and brushes a peice of cinemen colored hair from her face. I wish I was the one to do that for her.  
  
"Yamato, th-there's something you-" She could say no more as she collapsed sobbing into Taichi's awaiting arms. I glared at him, making a mental note to maim him after I had won Mimi.  
  
"I what Mimi? What do you need to tell me?" I spoke warmly as I approached her and let my hand slide smoothly down her creamy back. I was only touching her silk pink blouse but it felt like so much more. I watched Taichi fight the urge to rip her out of my grasp. I simply smirk at this and continue to carress her back. Koushiro then began to step forward.  
  
"Matt its about Tk." He whispered not looking at me. I stopped my hand straight on her back and suddenly all eyes were on Koushiro.  
  
"What about Tk? Where is he?" I yelled, not really wanting to know the answer to this. Mimi stepped away from Tai and backed away from us untill she was in the center of the log circle. Sora teared up and put a reassuring hand on her shoulder.  
  
"It was all my faulnt! I killed him! I broke his heart! He did it because of me!" She shouted. I stared at her refusing to believe what she had told me. Sora spoke up in for Koushiro.  
  
"Tk-Takeru, loved Mimi, but he found out that she didn't return his feelings. K-koushiro thinks that since he had no hope of winning Mimi the digital data that made him deleted itself. Face it, the instant we came back from the digital world our bodies had combined with the digital data that made up our other bodies." Sora sobbed. I shook my head trying to make sense of what I had heard. My brother. Takeru Takaishi. My little brother. Was dead. He had fallen in love with Mimi as we all had.  
  
Was that my fate? To share the same fate as he? NO! At that moment I think is when I lost whatever rational sanity I had. Or was I ever truely sane to begin with. Who was ever sane when they fell in love with my precious pixie? During the tears, the mourns, the pain of Takeru's death one phrase seemed to shame my mine. One down, one to go. I shook that thought out of my head but it wouldn't leave. In all honesty it sort of took the pain away. I fought it as hard as I could! NO! My brother was dead! I couldn't save him! I deserve pain! But the phrase in my head would't give my relief.  
  
I clamped my hands over my ears and noticed that everyone was staring at me, but I didn't give a royal damn! MIMI! Yes Mimi! She always took the pain away. She made every bad thing in this world go poof and disappear. I was standing slouched over with my hands clamped over my ears but I still managed to look at her through my tears. God she was beautiful. Even in her hour of pain she still looked perfect in my eyes. I could see perfection in any way she looked. Oh Mimi make it all go away. Please.   
  
I watched her approach me with tears in her eyes and a look of pure anguish in her eyes. She flung her arms around me and I smashed her to my chest. I could tell I had knocked the wind out of her but I just needed her arms around me. I needed to know she felt something from me, even for just a short while. I could barely hear her ask me to loosed my grip but I just tightened my hold. I think she understood then. I burried my face into her cinemen hair. It smelled of vanilla. Oh god I love that smell.  
  
Then, in that brief instant. It all became clear to me. Takeru may have been my brother, but he was still competition. I would mourn his death after I had Mimi to heal the wounds. For now, I would milk this for all its worth. Yes, even in death Takeru always emotionally took care of me.His death makes sense now. Since he couldn't have Mimi he killed himself so he could shove Mimi into my arms. Thank you little brother. I will never forget this. Yes, this is how I would win Mimi, this is how my victory will be born!   
  
I focus my eyes to Taichi with my face still burried in her hair. He was glaring at me, but brushed it off as just me needing to get my pain out.HA! That will be your downfall my friend. Tip one of war: Keep your enemies close and your friends closer. By doing what you are doing you are turing your back on me and letting down your guard. NEVER let down your guard. I have to fight the urge to laugh at his ignorance. I hear a little sniffle come from my chest.  
  
"You ok Yamato? Oh god I'm so sorry! I wouldn't blame you if you hated me! Please do anything to get your anger out! To make it better! Yell at me! Hit me! Anything! I'll let you I swear!" She yelled into my chest. I chuckle and look to the beautiful goddes in arms. How could you think I could ever hurt you! I love you my beautiful.  
  
"I could never hurt you Mimi, you know that. It was no ones faulnt. I'm sure Tk's happy now." I whisper to her. I watch Taichi's head shoot up and stare shocked at me. Oh now he realizes. I'm sorry Tai but your a little to late. Instead of the look of rage and pain I expect to see on his face I see nothing but disgust. No pain of loosing Mimi? No rage of knowing I'm taking her away from you? My face contorts in confusion. There's something I don't know.  
  
"Matt, if there's anything I can do for you,please, PLEASE! Just let me know, and I'll be there." She said as she lifted a hand to carress my cheek. I close my eyes and lean into the warmth of her hand. Oh dear gods how I waited for this. To touch me as she is now. Hm? Whats this? I feel a small slip of coldness come from her hand. I open my eyes while her hand is still on my cheek. She begins to take it away but I'm to fast for her. I gently snatch her wrist and turn the back of her hand up so I can see what is disrupting my warmth. What I saw killed me.  
  
On her ring finger lay a silver ringe with an emerald rose with a large diamond in it. I may be a guy but I'm not retarded. I know its an engagment ring. No. God no. Its an engagment ring. But not from me! I whip my head toward the digidestined, looking in rage from face to face for some sign as to who had taken her. I turn toward Taichi praying I'm wrong. As usual, I'm not. The look of recognition of the ring is in his eyes, however faint but still there. I clench my eyes shut as tears tore at the corners. There was no remorse in his eyes. Only disgust and knowing. Knowing for what? That I would lose? Did you know that? Was I the only one who didn't? I never had a chance did I? Takeru had more of a chance than I did.  
  
"You're engaged." I shoved the whisper to my lips. She looks up at me.  
  
"We've done enough celebrating, its time for mourning." She whispers to me.  
  
"Yes it is. But Its not Takeru's death I'll be mourning." I mumur.She cocks her head at me confused. Taichi comes up from behind her and puts his hands on her hips. I watch in sorrow as she covers his hand with her. I gritt my teeth and turn my back to them, unable to watch my contract of hell any longer.  
  
End Flashback  
  
I ran from her that night. I sobbed in my room alone as usual. My dad came over to my apartment and spoke to me a bit. He told me of the heartache he had when mom left him. It couldn't have compared to the pain I was feeling now. The next night I ran to Taichi's and banged on his apartment door. When he answered I literally begged him not to take Mimi from me. Heh, imagine that, the great Yamato 'da man' Ishida begging for a woman. I fell to my knees and pounded on the floor thinking of any negotiation to talk him into not taking her from me.  
  
I could settle for second best! Just as long as I got her too! I even offered to share her! God just don't take her from me. I even threatened to end my life if he took her from me. He stared at me in shock. He shook his head and mumured  
  
"Matt Man, you need help. C'mon I 'll take you to someone you can talk to." He said reaching out to me.   
  
"I don't need any fucking shrink! I need Mimi!!!!" I screamed at him. He didn't understand! Why couln't anyone understand! I shook my head and ran away from him, leaving him calling after me.  
  
No one has any idea what its like to lose the one you've worshiped since a child. Its like losing your god. Like losing your faith. Losing your everything. I could have taken her. Oh there's no doubt about that. I'm far stronger than her and she hasn't moved in with Taichi yes so it would be so easy. To just wrap my arms around her and refuse to let of. But I couldn't. I couldn't steal her away and live with her glaring at me with hatred the rest of our lives. I couldn't live with her hating me, it would be beyond hell. So instead I sit and watch. I talk with the rest of the digidestined.  
  
I've gone to a phsycyatrist like everyone's sugesting. I pretend like nothing's ever happened. I pretend like Im better and carefree like I used to be. I've even got Koushiro fooled. All my fiasco's have happened over six months ago and its their wedding day today. I was invited of course. I think it was Mimi who mailed the invitation. It's a night wedding. Mimi didn't like the dark but when she saw the night flowers and how the fire flies played with them, she just had to have it. The church is beautiful. Mimi is in her wedding dress reciting her vows.Her dress is white silk spaghettie strap with white sild finger gloves on her hand. On her head is a beautiful dimond Tiara with emeralds in it and veil trailing behind her from it.  
  
She's gorgeous. Though probably wondering where the hell I am. I'm sitting above the chaple in my tuxedo with a golden flask filled with whisky in my hand. I'm sitting on one of the pillars in the church,nobody has noticed me. I found an abandoned attic above the church right above a pillar to watch the wedding. Tai is finished reciting his vows. I turn my head away and silently climb into the attic. I can't watch Mimi give herself to another man. My rival. I don't blame Tai for not wanting to shar her with another, If we had switched positions I would probably be walking down the aisle in my 'down with tai' t-shirt.  
  
I take a sip of whiskey from the flask. I smirk as I look at the iodine. A great poison. Real affective. I pour a little into my flask and take a sip. Gradually I pour in more and take my sips. Soon it has taken affect.My eyes go wid with the searing burn. I clutch my stomach and hiss in pain. NO! I won't scream. I will not ruin the happiest day of her life! Still clutching my stomach I gently reach into a small napsack I brought. I pull out what always seems to make everything better. The pain instantly fades yet my body still comands me to clutch my stomacha and never let go. I stare at the beautiful picture of Mimi I had pulled out. She begged me to burn it, saying she looked horrible. She couldn't have been more wrong. With the back of my finger I trace the outline of her face one last time.  
  
My body collapses over yet I still feel no pain. I gently bring the picture to my lips and kiss my sweet illusion.My eyes close and my body goes slack. I lived loving her. I died loving her. Perhaps wherever I'm going they'll be lienient and let me keep my precious illusion. I died with a smile on my face. If I'm being punished for loving her, then I'll be punished for eternity. 


End file.
